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Friday, November 20th, 2009
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| Subject: | HEY! |
| Time: | 6:51 pm. |
| Mood: |  hungry. | | Music: | Irish - Tonic. |
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Ive Been Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusy with assignments. Only have one more to go.
Next week (friday) im buying tickets to BTBAM, Brand New & maybe Every Time I Die.
Hopefully Alexisonfire or Enter Shikari gets a side show.
Just got told Machine Head might be touring in March with Hatebreed. That be awesome.
Next year i wont be in therapy. two more appointments to go.
Life has been painfull, but im coping.
Enough chit chat. Back to designing!
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Sunday, October 11th, 2009
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Yeah shit got worse before it got better.
But its better now.
This week however is gonna be busy. Assignments & Guitar/Bass recording.
I had a great BBQ. Great match.
Bad Religion/NoFX were Great.
Aussie dollar is good, so ive bought alot of stuff. woot!
My most recent ex IS going out with a bulldyke.
HA! quite hilarious.
Alot of new musical releases have dropped. Most have em been great.
Anyways thats about it from me.
Until next time.
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Friday, September 11th, 2009
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| Subject: | *sigh* |
| Time: | 11:09 pm. |
| Mood: |  tired. | | Music: | The Receiving End Of Sirens- This Armistice. |
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i havent had a good 10 days
Sam rang me. That caused alot of pain.
My Video card died.
I watched my team lose on the buzzer.
i cut open my hard hitting my computer.
Ive been incredibly sick.
nothing is going right.
I miss people who i shouldnt miss and im not socialising with the people i should miss.
Im horribly behind in some of my assignments, but the assignment i finished quickly is the one hes given everyone else two weeks extra for.
Small things like that...just fucked me.
Im gonna try and sleep now...
Oh, how I've been teething
In light of your misleading
You've caused this collapse
Between the heart and the synapse :(
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Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
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Not much new to report.
Im very depressed...well actually im not...im just not sleeping well and im stressed by all my assignments and the amount time/effort i have to put in them.
Intrusive thoughts (about my former loves) havent helped me during this time.
Phonecall with my father was shit as fuck, me telling him im still kinda hurting (in regards to women) and then he tells me all the women he banged in cambodia, hookers and non hookers. Jesus christ, i fucking hate him.
my lack of money and the amount of money ive spent on my credit card hasnt helped things.
Eddie K. Hoobastank. Bad Religion/NoFX. Chimaira. Poison The Well. Soundwave. Offspring
Webhosting & Domain names for my websites...which i havent made yet. *sigh*
Plus i still have to pre-order Halo:ODST
So much money.
Ive won my Tipping comp. Im up by 7. with 8 games. i have to get them ALL wrong this weekend and they would have to get them all right.
Not happening.
Rabbits. Raiders & Cowboys were my bogey team, only a 52% accuracy. Panthers, Titans, Sharks, Tigers & Dragons were all above 70%
So i guess this is the part where i talk about my music.
Okay.
the Shinji Ikari project will have its concept E.P. finished and hopefully out by December.
The concept is (what a shocker from me) the four stages of a relationship. Love when it starts. Anger when its over. Sadness when you mourn it, then moving on from it. its actually one song (clocking in at over 20 minutes...well its about 16-17 mins at the moment, but the last part has to be recorded/arranged but yeah...) but it will be cut up into four. Ben wants to write the intro to it, maybe cause hes a little insecure about me doing the majority of the work on this one...*shrugs* None of the songs that are on its myspace will be going on this E.P. those songs will be going on the album. Yeah, weird i know. But we thought about its more weird that we have an album that would have 7 songs that go from 30-35 minutes then to go to a 20+ minute final song. continuuuuuuity would be fucked.
The Concept E.P. Will be Called Anchor.
Unsure of how im going to do the cover art...Proberbly for the slimline cd cases.
I think thats it...see you in a month or so.
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Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
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Depressed as all fuck. Lost all direction, having a bit of an identity crisis. ( Top 50 Questions About Your Top 50 Bands. )Sleeping Pattern is fucked. Been playing ALOT of video games. Fuck Yeah.
Sleep time in an hour or so.
Stay Cool New York!
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I spent $305 at Supanova this weekend.
I spent many hours watching all the hot ladies playing dressups there.
Oh, ive only been playing alot of video games lately.
Not much new to report.
Any Womens out there wanna play doctor? No?
Oh well. My hand it is.(H)
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Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
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So after getting dumped. ive spent around 1600 on things to improve my mood.
Its worked, for the most part. Late at night, such as now for example. i feel so hollow and alone.
To be honest, im sick of the deceit from the opposite sex, actually, i take that back, cause i know alot of male friends who do the same thing as they do, so its not a gender thing.
Fact is, the way she treated the whole situation, basically telling me on msn, everything she told me, the way she felt, the way she looked at me, was infact a lie, she was just doing it "in the hope that it was true" and she didnt care for me despite that it was HER coming to ME telling me she wanted to be in a relationship with me.
It feels like its just a whole big joke that im just not in on, every girl ive ever cared for, likes me enough to hook up with me once, or be friends with me, but just isnt intrested in a relationship with me, my therapist says the negative thinking of "it has to be something about me" isnt going to help matters, that i should look logically at the evidence and have MULTIPLE theorys on the matter, its smart, but i just have a hard time doing that.
Ive tried everything i can, ive tried a whole cross section of girls, but i just never seem anywhere close to where i want to be.
I had another girl WANTING MY COCK SO BAD, but i turned her down, not once, but twice, cause of shannon.
WHY DOES THIS KEEP ON HAPPENING? i turn down chicks and i STILL dont get laid.
(for those playing at home, yes, me and shannon never slept together)
This whole situation has made me think, the following.
1. im doomed to make the same mistakes until i get over one of the biggest flaws i have with girls. (which is i fall for my friends, to which ill discuss later.)
2. love is so hard to find these days
3. i trust and believe people way to easily.
4. STOP TURNING DOWN SEX. FOR FUCKS SAKE MAN, IT WILL BE NEARLY 3 YEARS IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS. AND YOUVE TURNED DOWN SEX FROM GOOD LOOKING (albiet for the most part stupid) PEOPLE FOUR FUCKING TIMES. WHICH IS DOUBLE THE AMOUNT OF ACTUALLY SEXUAL PARTNERS YOUVE HAD. WAKE THE FUCK UP.
5. im proud i didnt breakdown like the last few times.
infact i havent actually cried about this. most of it has just been frustration and dissapointment
frustrated that it didnt work out and dissapointed cause i expected so much better from her that to be dumped on msn
So to wrap it up, the reason why i fall for my friends, is cause i trust them, and things i look for in a friend, i look for in a relationship, same values, same princibles.
Which is why i couldnt be friends with shannon anymore, what she did to me, wasnt the worst thing a woman has ever done to me, didnt even hurt me compared to the things that made me run for the knives, but what she did, was destroy all the foundations of our friendship and our closeness to be told youve been lied to your face for the last 5 months, theres no coming back from that.
Usually im the one who destroys bridges cause it hurts so much to look at the otherside or out of some misguided sense in that i HAD to do it to move on, which is sad in its own regard. but this time i didnt burn the bridge, she destroyed it with a recking crew and had the nerve to say she still wanted to be friends.
How poetic.
All i could do is say goodbye, wish her the best, and wish it to be as far away from me as possible.
Im getting better at having my heart broken, which is something i thought id never say...and more importantly, something id never wish would happen.I'm leaving you tomorrow, But she already left
She already left me.
P.S. Up Up Cronulla.
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| Subject: | YO! |
| Time: | 6:49 pm. |
| Mood: |  GEE I FUCKING WONDER. | | Music: | Unjust - We Be Robots. |
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Just got dumped!
Over MSN.
Shit is so not-cash.
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| Subject: | Hey |
| Time: | 10:22 pm. |
| Mood: | tired. | | Music: | You Wont Know - Brand New. |
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Life is good!
But im lacking motivation
my football team is circling the drain.
gotta get up early and do assignments.
OFF TO BED WITH ME
P.S. Im writing a love song. LOL!
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Me and shaz are offical.
So happy.
Party was so epic.
Got so smashed.
Passed the fuck OUT.
MESSY.
everything is clean now. the beds just have to be made.
MY WORD. JELLY SHOTS. NOT GOOD FOR HEAD.
Drunken neurosises came out. Gotta put them back in the box.
Im just so happy guys. So So So So happy.
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Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
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Shannon and i will be BF/GF soon. Im So happy. REALLY Happy.
All i have to do is let things remain the course and we will be a couple very very soon. DONT FUCK IT UP.
Tho, Long Distance again. Keep strong.
School holidays = HIGH PRODUCTIVITY OF MUSIC.has 10 of the 11 songs finished demos on the sitehas Three new songs that we(Ben and Myself) wrote and recorded over the last 5 days
The Villains From Superman 3 Written & Recorded Friday/Saturday. (4/4 180BPM)(both of us wrote & recorded it)
Toucan Sam Written & Recorded Sunday & Monday (6/8 180BPM) (both of us wrote & recorded it)
Equivalent Exchange Written Late last Year by me, Recorded Tuesday by Ben. (4/4 200BPM)
All of them being somewhat different, The last song hasnt got the base part done, but i DO need a 5string bass for that and ill be playing that.
Ben will be putting the synth and trance effects on them over the coming days, then ill write lyrics and record vocals, Toucan Sam is the only confirmed name as ive already started writing vox for that. Who Knew Froot Loops would be enough of a subject to write a song about.
Im very proud.
My Football Teams are shit
New Fightstar is AWESOME
Hoobastank is okay.
Have i told you how happy i am about Shannon?
I havent been this happy since MH.
I Think i Love Her, so it will get really broken if i fuck it up.
Anyways, heres to hoping.
PLEASE CHECK OUT MY MUSIC!
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Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
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| Subject: | errr |
| Time: | 12:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  confused. | | Music: | Dropkick Murphys - pipebomb on landsdown. |
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And life is better again.
Seriously. WHAT THE FUCK.
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I have no idea whats going on. My life went from great/okay to shit within a few days.
what awful luck.
Might be taking the loss and going to melbourne in may at all.
Seems like its the smartest thing to do, nobody down there cares or not. so fuck it.
Im pretty fucking depressed at the moment.
Cronulla losing didnt help matters, i think its the worst ive ever felt after a game.
Im gonna go watch a movie or something.
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| Subject: | Wow |
| Time: | 11:37 am. |
| Mood: |  Sick, But Happy.... | | Music: | Death Angel - The Devil Incarnate. |
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Just. Wow.
i got dragged to mardi gras. had a good time. But that was cause i made out with Shannon. YAY ME!!!11
So smashed.
Sunday went to the female cricket. pretty boring, Australia just kept on throwing their wickets away.
Missed my 3rd day of tafe in a row cause of my coughing fits.
FUUUUUUUUUCK.
Now i have to start with my assignments. Go Team.
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I had a coughing fit while i was having a stitch. MY chest is FUUUUUUCKED right now.
Hurts so much
Anyways
http://frontlines.machinehead1.com/index.php?showtopic=5143
CLICK THAT FOR AWESOME SIDEWAVE PHOTOS!!!11 CLICK IT!!!11
I got my transfer back to Enmore on Wedns. Im so happy.
I got to feel up (after she felt me up) a hottie on wedns as well.
Gonna try and hook up with her next time im in melbourne.
Yeah, another chick far away from me. Go Team Todd!
Dont think me and shannon are going to ever reach the next stage as im a pussy about it. Think friends is best.
Talked about Sam WAY too much when Dan was up here. I feel sorry for Dan, he was like "how many times did i tell you so?" I laughed.
I think that was it from me, i dont feel any kind of hatred or loving feelings for her anymore. its kinda like "hey, remember that girl Sam? She fucked you up hard ey? Yeah, Unlucky. Girls do that, how bout that local sports team?"
YAY!
Wont be doing anything for my birthday. No Party, No city drinks (not going out on mardi gra night, fuck you gay and lesbian people, you dont need a parade to show how different you are, it shouldnt matter if your gay, bi & or straight....i fucking hate parades) on saturday night. Emma isnt coming up, what a suprise.
I think im going to spend my birthday working out on my new Bench Press Thingy.
FUCK YEAH. im going to look hot as fuck soon.
Like im not hot already.
Mine Just Burned Gold, A Normal Flame
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Monday, February 23rd, 2009
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Youre the Light & Im The Vampire
Still sick.
Soundwave was awesome.
http://frontlines.machinehead1.com/index.php?showtopic=5053
Pics there for a limited time only
Didnt make a move with Shannon. Too much of a pussy, too much to lose.
Anyways 3 more shows this week
Bloodhound tonight
Dillinger Tomorrow (plus instore :D)
36 CF & ATR wedns.
No birthday party plans now.
My shoes are dirty, im wearing another pair as i need to clean them.
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Monday, February 16th, 2009
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I got bronchitis. Thats all the news i have to report.
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Thursday, February 12th, 2009
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Went to tafe tuesday, found out they made an error. Tuesday was swapped with thursday.
i was like "HA!"
after that happened and i wasnt upset, i realised i was feeling better.
Felt better ever since. so for those playing it home. Major depressive episodes now only last 48 or so hours. AWESOME.
Misery signals played 50 mins tonight, still...10 mins short of a good set, but much better than 30 mins.
Amity affliction were okay. Confession (i bought some merch of theres, but im going to spray paint over there logo cause...) sound like just another crafter band.
looking forward to soundwave and all its sideshows. Laters
It's hard to see
How all of this will end
For consequence
On a broken heart to mend
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Monday, February 9th, 2009
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You realize you’ve weakened your fabulous world…
Hey! Whats Up?
Err...
So me and Shannon will be going out on dates when she gets back, not a couple, but were going to see where it goes.
Shes fucking awesome. She thinks im awesome and were really compatible, im pretty fucking happy about that.
I had a shitty weekend tho, well not heaps shitty.
Its complicated i guess and will require alot of backstory telling but in short.
Friend i havent seen in nearly 8 and 1/2 years comes back into town, only ONE of our core group doesnt come out cause he wants to kill me.
Yes, he wants to kill me.
anyways when i wake up on sunday, i go out to the loungeroom tired and feeling fuuuuuuuucked (way too much booze) and my mums there, looking like...well...somebody else from my past.
Fucked me up for the day. Couldnt stop thinking about her.
Then on the way to Wyong to see misery signals. its a shitty heat thing and im just sour, when we get there, we sit in the car for near an hour, when we go in (7:30) we find out all the other bands have played, misery signals has shitty merch (still bought alot of it tho) and then they only play half an hour.
then we leave and we go back to mates, and he hooks up and leaves me alone.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
so i end up sick from the air conditioning, and i miss my first day of class (today)
So right now im in a shitty depressed mood, i cant let shannon know im depressed, cause shes under the impression im all better. T_T
i thought i was, but that image...it fucked me and then i had a shitty day. snowball affect. I cant think about her and what i did to her, it hurts.
New timetable is shitty
Monday 1-6
Tuesday 2-6
Friday 8-5pm
My therapy sessions were monday, so now im double fucked there.
Fridays are gonna suck
Now LOG is pretty mehtastic.
Much prefer to listen to Unjust <3I Can’t Face the world around you!
‘Cause now you’re bad! Bad!
I’ve been excited to find you,
But now you’re bad! Bad! Hopefully Mis Sigs play a longer set Wedns.
Cant wait for soundwave/sidewaves
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raven_v1's journal
cold.
complacent.
thoughtful.
accomplished.
defeated.
sore.
content.